I Feel SAD

Seasonal Affective Disorder creeps in as the weather changes. First there’s just a chill in the air, maybe you need a sweater when you leave the house. But it progresses so rapidly and along comes the shorter days and darker nights.

While some people love Fall season and look forward to pumpkin spice-everything, Halloween, and the changing of the seasons, I dread it. Every year I miss the chance to say goodbye to Summer because it leaves without notice. No deadline. No date marked on the calendar. One day it’s there, making me sweat. And the next day it’s 60 degrees and I’m begging for 90 degree weather.

Thankfully, with anti depressants and therapy I’m not as apprehensive this year. But it still worries me. There’s something about being exposed to the elements, not being prepared for the cold, unable to protect myself that makes me feel vulnerable. Scared, even. It’s like the darkness and cold of winter speaks directly to my fears.

I would love to live in a place of warmth and sunshine all year round. I wouldn’t miss the season changes. But right now that’s not a possibility.

I think the best weapon against seasonal depression is being prepared. Buy warm clothing, wear bright colors. Make sure you nourish your body with happy things. Prepare yourself for the cold that is coming and know that it’ll soon pass.

If only there was a demarcating line between the seasons. A calendar notification- now it’s time to take out the sweaters, boots and tights. Now it’s time to prepare hearty pots of soup. Now it’s time to buy yourself the things that make you happy.

Well, here’s my reminder to you. We can get through the dark and cold and be just fine. Be prepared, and it’ll be easier.

I wish you a happy Fall and an even brighter Winter.

Autumn Chill is Coming

Such is the human experience
Some people sit out here
Under Autumn’s first chill
With a blanket or sweater wrapped around them
And enjoy the delicious crisp air
And the smell of cold coming in
They’re in love with this time of year
Of spiced lattes and pumpkins on the horizon.
While others, like me
Are scared to walk out the door into the cold
Sad to see Summer waving goodbye
And numb at the thought of Winter coming.
Dread starts to set in
The Jewish New Year a few days away
And the cold nipping at my unclothed toes.
Change, for some, exhilarating
And others
Terrifying.
We are, all of us, human
With different experiences
And different emotions.
When Summer feels so fleeting
You can barely hold its hand
And Winter makes you want to hibernate
Spring and Fall barely making an appearance
I wrap myself in a sweater
And confront the cold
It’s 60 tonight, and dipping.
This time, Winter, I won’t let you take me.
I won’t let your frost drag me down into fear and icy dread
Of my skin wrapped in layers
And the dark that comes on suddenly,
And stretches on endlessly.
I’ll find a way to conquer you
With sunshine in my mind
Even as your icy talons reach out
And grab hold.